Shenanigans...

...are going down in 19 days.

Look out world.

Look. The fuck. Out.

Ol' What's his name

I don't normally post things from my own personal life here on PnM (yes, it's been known to happen, but usually in a comical and/or inserted type of way), but since I decided that if I had heard about this from someone, I would definitely have posted about it, I figured, eh, what the hell? (Just call me the future Mrs. Kroeger) (on second thought, DON'T)

Yesterday was the funeral for my uncle (my dad's younger brother). I didn't know him that well, he wasn't around us much. Old school family dramas and the like. His name was James. My grandma called him Jamie. We called him Jim. Some called him Jimmy, and someone yelled out "Jed!" yesterday, so I guess they called him that, as well. The minister? He called him Jeremy. Twice.

James/Jamie/Jim/Jimmy/PossiblyJed/Jeremy had a pet snake. He called him John. I called him Ucky. The minister called him Harold/Howard.

I was not a key figure in the funeral, I just sat quietly in my corner, listening intently. For an hour and a half (I thought funerals were usually like...what....half hour? 20 minutes if nobody liked you?). The minister read the obituary. My name was said 5 times. Dramatically wrong. My insistence that he "move on, it's fine" went unnoticed. (It should be noted that about 15 minutes before this, we had a 2 minute conversation about how to pronounce my name) But I fared better than my brothers. Their names didn't get pronounced, right or otherwise. Grandma later stated that the minister "kept looking away from his cards and losing his place".

The moral of the story: please hold my funeral service at a home that has teleprompters. Thank you, and good night.

It's time for.....

Bizarre Youtube Videos with Bree!!!!

Welcome, welcome. Gather 'round, children. Today I have found something....well, it terrified me. In a weird adorable way.

So there's this cat video. I'll give you a couple minutes to watch it. Because that's like...how long it is.

Alright so let's get this party started. First thing...why are you using toy cats? When I googled "cats on parade", I wanted to see some live feline adorableness. Instead I got stuffed, Made-in-China, glass-eyed stop motion. All I can figure is that Bob and Trudi (The Shermans, if you like) have a house full of children's toys for some inexplicable reason. Anyone that actually had children to PLAY with these children's toys wouldn't have time to make this shitty video.

Second...the description promises cats "doing kitty cat stuff". When's the last time you saw a bunch of cats just marching back and forth with American flags? And like, scaring off a puppy because he wasn't "respecting them"? That's what I thought. Never.

My favorite part of the video comes at the end, after the "Credits" (why?), when you learn that Bob got a paper-cut while making this video. And that it really hurt. You know what? I'm GLAD your paper-cut hurt, Bob. I hope it hurt as much as my soul hurt after watching your fake cats do fake cat shit.

Things Bree Is Obsessed With

I loves me some interwebz. And a few months ago I came across this complete gem of a human being. She is fantastical, and says things that make me laugh on a fairly consistent basis. She is incredibly popular on my little interwebz, yet I am still going to use my incredibly UN-popular blog to support her!

So kindly go check out the lovely Jenna Marbles on the Youtubes.

She's pretty.

And has adorable dogs.

And she's smart.

And funny.

And really pretty.

Hashtag Girl Crush.

Beard-o of the Week

This weeks Beard-o is a PnM first! A Beard-o that doesn't actually have a beard!

It's Ke$ha! She looked absolutely GORGEOUS at the 2012 VMA's last week, and she loves beards. I figured, why not!

Good on ya, girl. You look fab, and not at all like a crazy glitter-coated hooker!

Beard-o of the Week

To atone for my sin (apparently this past weeks Beard-o is a repeat, shame shame), I present to you our NEW BotW....

This chick makes beards!! Out of....crafty shit!! I was just about to place an order when I came across her post that she had stopped selling/making beards. I am very saddened by this. Contemplating an attempt to get her to make me one anyway. Will keep you updated. Not sure why this now sounds like important telegram.

I can haz cute?

Bree has requested that I start posting stuff on here again. I do believe she needs a little pick me up so why not post some cuteness. I discovered this famous internet cat by some miracle only a few weeks ago. Her name is Lil Bub. She was born as the runt of an otherwise normal litter of kittens. She, however, is very different. Her legs are very short while her body is very long. She has no teeth and her lower jaw is very small which leaves her tongue sticking out all of the time. She has many extra toes as well. Sounds like some hideous freak of nature? Definitely not. Actually the total opposite. Feast your eyes upon these adorable pictures.

Oh yeah, did I mention how adorable her owner dude is?

From what her owner says she is a very happy cat and doesn't seem to realize that she is any different from other cats. He is now very active in the pet adoption community. Lil Bub also has a webstore where you can get an awesome shirt with the cute little face on it and the proceeds go to animal adoption.