Beard-o of the Week

To atone for my sin (apparently this past weeks Beard-o is a repeat, shame shame), I present to you our NEW BotW....

This chick makes beards!! Out of....crafty shit!! I was just about to place an order when I came across her post that she had stopped selling/making beards. I am very saddened by this. Contemplating an attempt to get her to make me one anyway. Will keep you updated. Not sure why this now sounds like important telegram.

I can haz cute?

Bree has requested that I start posting stuff on here again. I do believe she needs a little pick me up so why not post some cuteness. I discovered this famous internet cat by some miracle only a few weeks ago. Her name is Lil Bub. She was born as the runt of an otherwise normal litter of kittens. She, however, is very different. Her legs are very short while her body is very long. She has no teeth and her lower jaw is very small which leaves her tongue sticking out all of the time. She has many extra toes as well. Sounds like some hideous freak of nature? Definitely not. Actually the total opposite. Feast your eyes upon these adorable pictures.

Oh yeah, did I mention how adorable her owner dude is?

From what her owner says she is a very happy cat and doesn't seem to realize that she is any different from other cats. He is now very active in the pet adoption community. Lil Bub also has a webstore where you can get an awesome shirt with the cute little face on it and the proceeds go to animal adoption.

D-bag of the Whenever

Alert! Alert! Alert! Quick, someone make that breaking news "de de de de de" sound!

Guess what's back! It's the D-bag of the Whenever feature!!!! (and the peasants rejoice)

Soooooo, are you wondering who are D-bag of the We-got-the-site-back-up-and-running is? Are you?????

It is none other than......

Kristen Stewart!

Anyone who would cheat on that dear little bunny is a D-bag. Actually, I'm gonna go ahead and name her the D-bag of the Decade. At least until someone worse comes along.

So you cling to that title, sweetheart! Enjoy it! Embrace it!

God knows, you deserve it.

Trollop.

Tart.

Floooooooozy.

Ok, I'm done now.

It's never been so easy!

Hey!

You!

Yeah, YOU! With your poor fingers singed! Were you trying to take your freshly made toast out of the toaster with your fingers again?

Does this happen to you every time you make toast?

Have you stopped eating toast, simply because you find it too difficult to remove the hot tasty treat from it's firey hell of a prison?

WELL LOOK NO FURTHER!!

It's TOAST TONGS!!!

Now you can free that unwieldy toast, everytime! No burnt fingers, no electrocution-by-knife-removal, just pick up your toast tongs, and voila! The toast is now OUT of the toaster!

(****sidenote**** who the fuck thinks this shit up?)

Gah!

And also this baby goat!!

Pleeeeeeeease!

Yesssss

I'm having a craptastic sort of day, so I would like this to come and play with me today.

So. Much. Squee.

I'M HOUDINI!!!

So I just found this little gem of a clip doing one of my faaaavorite activi-tays: searching "how to" on the Youtube.

Check this bad mama-jama out.

It seems to me that anyone with EYES would see you doing all of this. If one of my friends said to me: "Hey, would you like to see me escape from a pair of handcuffs?", I would surely exclaim "HECK YES!" in a fit of pure joy. But if they did so like THAT dude, in such obvious fashion, I would not be able to disguise my unimpressedivity. The man CLEARLY states that he thinks he is Houdini (****disclaimer**** PnM does not stand by this statement, as the man quite clearly states that he is going to show the viewer how to escape just LIKE Houdini did, but as Bree is a crazy bitch and captain of the Let's Take Shit Literal squad, well, you get what you get).

Someone find me a clip of Houdini escaping from some handcuffs. Oh, why thank you, Interwebz. Please be aware that a good third of this video is simply Senor Houdini removing his clothing to some dramatic piano music, but AFTER that, he escapes from his handcuffs! Oooooh! Aaaaah! While I would generally think that a nice small distraction from the fact that you are bending a bobby pin and jamming into a tiny hole while looking like you're having a seizure would do the trick, the Houd'ster chooses to jump into a river. A bit of overkill, but all in all....meh, I'll take it. Let's revist my friend scenario from earlier.........

Friend: "Say, would you like to see me escape from a pair of handcuffs while JUMPING OFF A BRIDGE?!?!"
Me: "HECK YES!", in a fit of pure joy.
Friend dives into the water, comes up splishing and splashing like a mofo.

Me: "You are so amazing"

Beard-o of the Week!

Now that we are back up and a-runnin', it's time for the latest installment of everyone's favorite....

BEARD-O OF THE WEEK!!!! Huzzah!!!!

This weeks Beard-o is brought to us by...well, by the same thing that brings just about every Beard-o our way, GOOGLE! According to our sources (whom we have just outed as being GOOGLE!!!!), this Beard-o comes to us in mugshot form. And it is a deeeeelight. A real hum-dinger. A bearded hole-in-.....half?

Enjoy!!

Bizarre Youtube Videos with Bree

I've decided to start a new section on PnM, because...that's what I do.

So, ladies and gentlemen (who are we kidding, we all know Rin is the only person who reads our blog), we present to you....

Bizarre Youtube Videos with Bree! In this section, your beloved (*ahem*) hostess will bring to your attention a terrifying delightful Youtube confection, and attempt to explain and/or understand it for/with you.

First up: THIS monstrosity of a puddle of crazy.

Everybody good and "what the fuck"ed out? Good. Let's get started.

Ok, first things first....WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO LOOK LIKE A UNICORN?! I mean, I love unicorns as much as the next freak, but I don't wander around thinking "how can I turn myself into a unicorn?!" at every moment of my day.

Second, is this girl Japanese? Cause I'm pretty sure she's faking it. I'm getting SERIOUS J-Pop America Funtime Now vibes off of this chick. (My apologies for the craptastic quality of the video in that link)

Nextnextnextnext, has anyone, in the history of people, ever met a person with that small of a face and that GINORMOUS of a set of eyeballs? And while we're on the subject of eyeballs, where does one buy My Little Pony contact lenses? Those seem like the sort of thing you'd have to go online to purchase, and I would imagine if you're able to purchase something online, enough people must be buying them for there to be a website devoted to selling them, WHICH MEANS.....there are more people out there trying to look like this.

Finally, does anyone else find this slightly racist? A little bit? A tad? And if so, do you find this more or less racist than someone wanting to dress up their friends half-asian 3 year old as a Wonton for Halloween?

WHY is this ok????

Unless you've been living under a ROCK for the past month, you know who that is. If you've been living under a rock for the past month, that is Honey Boo Boo. IDKWTF her real name is. Maybe she doesn't have one, I don't know. All I DO know is that this child terrifies me to my very core. Mostly because THAT child, is also THIS child:

I'll give you a moment to collect yourselves.

The whole Toddler Beauty Pageant craze freaks me out. But none of the contestants more-so than this....pretty little.....girl....I can't. I just can't. Stop doing this to your child. Actually, Honey Boo Boo's "Parents", just stop in general.

THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES!!

We're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. Aren't you just the luckiest duckies of them all? Don't answer that.

I almost wish I had a list of the effed up SHIT that has gone on since our last post, but I think I'd be drowning in paper. And as amusing of an image as that would BE, I'll pass. Thanks.

So hold on to your assicles. The gals at PnM are back in full effect. Just like a poorly thought out 90's boy band. Ill. Dope. With wicked awesome haircuts.