A Very Important Message from Bree

There is an evil lurking in your home. You probably don't even realize that it is there, but it is, waiting for any opportunity to strike at you, and possibly your loved ones. This evil exists in every home in America, and it is quite probable that it is in every home in the WORLD. Just imagine the havoc it could wreak if left unchecked!

This evil does not discriminate. This evil does not see race, religion, sex or age. This evil attacks the young, the old, the black, the white. It attacks little emo boys in their skinny jeans. It attacks Mr. Corporate Lawyer in his shiny shoes and neatly pressed suit. It goes after celebrities, it goes after celebutards. Somewhere right now, at this very instance, millions of people are being attacked as you read this. This evil is vicious, cruel and unjust. Just this morning, I myself was attacked by this evil. I was literally scarred for moments.

This evil is......the alarm clock. This demonic piece of electronic equipment rips poor unsuspecting sleepers directly from their slumber, throwing them into a horrifying cloud of "OMG WTF IS GOING ON?!?!" that can last for seconds on end! It tears them from their dreams, often just milliseconds before some form of fornication with some supermodel or another. It is a sad, sad situation.

This wretched being has recently attempted to disguise itself. Many of them are going undercover as radios, cd players, or other implements meant to convey the joy of music. But do not be fooled by these foes! They WILL attack you.

Lately, I have noticed a disturbing trend in their attempt to blend into your everyday lives. Somehow, the alarm clock has managed to infiltrate our front lines. It has maneuvered itself into the one thing that every American cherishes most closely to their soiled souls, aside from money. The alarm clock has implanted itself in our CELLULAR TELEPHONES. You may not even know it's in there, but it is. Oh, it is. And it is just waiting for the right opportunity to pounce on you. Beware, foolish cell phone owner, beware.

Please, if you have any concern for the safety of you and your family, round up the alarm clocks in your home, and DESTROY THEM. You may feel that this is not doing enough. That is a completely justified concern. If you are feeling as such, feel free to go down to your local hotel, and take every alarm clock you can find. Your friends and neighbors may not be aware of the danger, and their homes should be raided as well. We MUST fight. We MUST prevail.

Please, do your part. Demolish an alarm clock.


***This has been a public service announcement from the folks here at PnM***